Got my "date"

August 6th the stent will come out. Dr. C's office just called me to set up the appointment. Can you believe I am not looking forward to it??? I am so worried that I will be in pain after it comes out, not the "reaction" pain, but I'm worried a lot of stones will come out once the stent is out and THAT would be very painful. I have been straining and I do have some gravel but I dont think its anywhere near what I have in me yet. I think I will stand on my head later and try to get it moving. I do have some discomfort now, too, which I havent really had in the past few days. I went to the bank today and stood in the drive-thru thinking "Hurry the hell UP!!!!" because I was starting to feel the twinges in my kidney. Also, I do feel some of the pressure down thre too. It kind of feels like the last month of pregnancy, like something is hanging down funny. Otherwise, I guess I should just stop bitching, because it is going ok this time.

Saturday night I actually went across the street to A.'s house. She was doing a BBQ, and I had 1 1/2 frinks and 2 cigarettes. I know, I know, not a good idea but they were quite delicious ;)

I am still waiting....

...for the pain to hit! Ha! For real! Now, mind you, I am NOT complaining, but I am still in complete shock over how I have been feeling this time around. Completely opposite form last time. Now, I DO feel kidney pain, I feel the pain in my back, but I haven't needed to overdose on Percoset like before. Last night I slept the whole night thru and hadn't taken anything after 7:30. Sore, but manageable. The other thing is the whole stent thing. I can't FEEL this stent! How crazy is that? The last one I could feel every inch of it in me, it was painful and irritating, it burned when I peed, it effected me mentally, it was HORRIBLE. Maybe I was allergic to the material of that one?? I don't know what the deal is, but this one is almost non-existant, I wouldn't even know it was there if the doctor hadn't told me he put it in. Dr. Cubelli will be getting some tray of cookies when this is all over!

The Urelle has finally made my pee blue, so I guess its working. I had to add some Benefiber to my water yesterday to get myself going (and yeah, it worked!) I have passed a couple of brown stone fragments, all small, but again, even after 5 days, I didn't pass anything the 1st litho. I started passing the 2nd day this time.

So knock on wood - there is my update - lets just keep hoping it remains this positive.

Litho #2 was today

Of course my nerves were crazy. I kept telling myself that this was a good thing: I had made it thru vacation without the stone dropping and I was getting it done before it COULD drop. Getting jabbed 3 times while they tried to get the IV in was a bit nerve rattling to say the least. But I took a big breath, calmed myself down...and the next thing I knew I was in recovery. A bit slower this time to feel better. One ginger ale and three packs of crackers later, and a trip to the bathroom and I was on my way home.

Dr. Cubelli put a different stent in this time and knock on wood, it seems to be feeling a lot better than the last. I also got a prescription for Urelle, a bladder spasm medication that turns your poop and pee blue (hasnt happened to me yet though - I am sure the kids will be thrilled to see my blue poop lol) Took one pill so far - tomorrow I will start the three a day I am supposed to take.

Percoset every four hours is keeping me sane.

So far so good - pray it stays this way.

In OC

Its day 3 here - today s Monday and I am feeling good. Finally. My appetite seems to be back, I am going to the bathroom (i Know, TMI!), starting to feel better mentally and physically. My side has its moments of pain but the past day has been really good. Hit the boardwalk yesterday, was able to walk for a few hours, kids are having a blast!!!!

It was definitly the right thing coming here.

Today has been better

Slept well last night - still have some diarrhea, I'm assuming from the dye. But its been a good thing because it cleared me out and got rid of that pressure. I am trying to be positive. Today has been better, I actually put makeup on today, lol. Joe has been so supportive, and reassuring, that all will be ok, and he is right here with me. The kids have been great too. They make me feel better and I need them to keep me grounded.

Tomorrow morning we leave for the shore. Hoping God is looking down on me and keeps that damn stone right where it is until I get in on the 17th.

spent morning in ER...

Joe took me. The rectal pressure was still bad. Had a dye contrast CAT done, blood work and a rectal exam. No blockage, just my colon is a bit swollen. They took a stool sample (nasty) and I will hear in a few days if anything. Nothing else to say.

So much for waiting....

I can't believe I wanted to wait till Septemeber to get this damn stone taken care of! When I left St Clares, I was like "I am NOT coming back! And I am NOT getting this stone taken care of for a loooong time!" Ha! I can't even believe what I am going thru. I lost 12 pounds, I can't eat, I feel nausea, my bowels are backed up, you name it. We're supposed to leave for the shore on Saturday but the thought of doing it makes me want to puke. The anxiety, fear and all these other emotions are swirling all over me. What if we go to the shore and I wind up in the ER there?? What if the stone comes down and I am no where close to home?? I guess you need to have lived thru the pain I lived thru to understand how I feel. FEAR. Real, pure, fear. So I brought it up to Joe that I think I should stay home. He feels helpless of course. He doesnt know how to help me, and that makes me feel so bad too, that he feels so bad. I hate what an effect the past month has had on all of us.

So now I am thinking I need to get this stone taken care of ASAP, whatever it takes. I am terrified of it, but more terrified of doing nothing. I just spoke to Cubelli's nurse, and she made me an appointment at 12:15 to come in and talk to him. Not sure what he is going to say, but feel relieved to be taking Step 1. Will update more later.

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Update: OK, went to see Cubelli, and I was so impressed with how he took his time to just sit down and talk to me. We sat and talked for about half hour, he gave me a quick exam to see if I felt pain anywhere, etc. He kept stressing to me how important it is for me to come out of this funk, he asked if I needed antidepressants, he couldnt believe how nervous I looked. I'm sure that is a nice way of saying "total wreck". He says I need to let the past pain go and just look ahead. I asked him, "How? How do I look ahead?? I still have this stone in me that has to come out and I can't think of anything besides that!" He told me I have to. The stone is going nowhere, he says. Go on vacation and have a really good time. try to relax. He has booked me for The Stone Center the week after the shore, so the week I am home, I will be heading once again to Newark. 50% of me wants to throw up when I think about going thru lithotripsy and the stent again, the other 50% wants to kiss him for making this slot for me. He told me he will look at the last stent I had and maybe there is a different one I can get that will be a tad more comfortable (I doubt it). I really, really have to get myself into the right frame of mind for this so I dont wind up back in the ER.

I also had an xray done today - he will look at it tonite and call me tomorrow - it was basically done to reassure me that the stone hasn't moved since my last xray, and I pray that IS what he tells me when he calls.