Trying to remain calm and focused

Heading to Dr. Rehberg this morming. When I originally made the appt it was because the panic attacks/hyperventilation, whatever the hell you call it, were still hitting. I am feeling better the past couple of days though and no longer want medication. So I am going in so she ould look at my damn ears which have been hurting for the past week and antibiotics have not helped. Not sure if she sees anything - I may have to go to Dr. Remsen. Anyway, it will be a good test for me. Every time I have gone into her office, I start freaking. Lets see if I an keep it under control today. Look down on me God and give me the willpower and strength!!



I did it!!!! I not only made it thru the appointment without having an attack, I even went to the library right after, AND THEN TO WALMART!!! WOOT!!! I know it sounds so silly but to really understand what I have been feeling and to know what an accomplishment this is for me, you'd really have to feel what I felt. I am fighting this motherfucker with no drugs!! I WILL NOT GIVE IN!

Jeez, its been awhile...

Update on me: I wound up going to the hospital to have the stent removed because after Dr. C. KILLED me trying to get it out in his office, it wasn't happening. :( So I went to St Clares that Thursday, was totally dehydrated, MISERABLE and in pain from Dr. C.'s "stabbing", and went to same day surgery. All went well, no pain afterward, and I'm stone free but now....

I have fucking panic attacks and anxiety! As IF things werent nuts enough. The Friday before the stent came out (Aug 1st), I was heading to St Clares for a last xray and all of a sudden, I felt sick and faint and couldnt breathe. I kept thinking about my breath, suddely I am hyperventilating on Kincaid Road, kids are in the back. I made it home...barely. EXTREMLEY shoken up. Made it thru Sat and Sun, finally Monday I saw Dr. Rehberg and told her what happened. Meanwhile, as I am telling her I am trying not to have a PA. I dont even know how I made it to her office, I was a mess. We both thought that the anxiety was over the stent coming out the following Wednesday, so she gave me an RX for Xanax and told me to come see her again if I still have it once everything is over. Total mess till Wednesday, then no stent coming out, then the hospital... Friday comes and yes, still trouble catching my breath. Saturday I head back to the doctor because now I have a sore throatt and my ears are killing me. Have problems breathing in office, pop a Xanax and walk out with an RX for antibiotic. Sunday we go to Jonathans birthday party, in the car I was freaking, get to the party, and again, attack. Another Xanax. So much for this being over once the stent came out. Monday evening I had trouble relaxing, and that was the last Xanax I took as of today, now 5 days later. It is SLOWLY getting a tad better, I STILL feel it coming over me, but I start breathing deeply, and focus on NOT hyperventilating.

Today was a great day for me. We went to go see Josie and I made it there ok!!! Took a nice walk while I was there, ride home also ok. I did it! One day at a time, right??

I've ordered something online from vitacost.com called 5-HTP. Its supposed to be great for all this, and I am happy because its natuaral and not an addictive drug. I have been FIGHTING taking the Xanax.

I am supposed to go back to Rehberg on Monday. I get a little nervous about it because for some reason I have an attack every time I go there.