And I think I feel better. Last night I lay in bed feeling like I was having a panic attack. Sam is here, and him, Joe and the kids had a fine old time out back, had a fire going, went swimming, toasted marshmallows....while I lay in bed feeling my heart pounding and just not feeling "right". This anxiety: is it the supplements or my fear of the pain? I feel just slight twinges in my kidney, and I start hyperventilating. I am petrified the stone that is in there will come down, clog me up and send me to the emergency room in agonizing pain. THIS IS AWFUL!!! I cannot live like this! Its literally killing me. I just do not feel right. Not sure if the supplements had anything to do with it but today I didn't take any, and I *think* I am a bit better. Really, I think when we come back from the shore I am going to make my appt to see Cubelli and just get the ball rolling on the stone. I really really thought I could just "let it go", take a break and maybe do it when I absolutely had to, but I just want to get it over with at this point. I dont know if anyone has ever died of anxiety but I feel like I will if I dont get rid of this stinking stone.
Had lunch at the lake today with Pat and Tracy - Joe, Sam and the boys took their fishing poles out on a boat and rowed all the way out. Being with friends does take my mind off it all. Unfortunately I cant always be distracted and I feel the panic creeping up on me. I dont know how people with chronic stones can stand it. I am praying once this stone comes out, they stay out forever. I will do whatever it takes.
I cant believe I have a blog devoted to this!
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